♪You show the lights that stop me, turn to stone

Sometimes im afraid to be alone, because when im alone I have all these thought about things that I want to do with my life; becoming an actress, living in England for at least a year, meet a very attractive English chap, and just being able to do whatever I want, because, well, its my imagination. Lately, however, I feel like iv been spending too much time thinking about things that are probably never going to happen, and I feel like if I keep thinking about these amazing situations that I put myself in, then when I have to face the real world, everything wont seem as.. good, as what I thought it would be in my head. Iv never really been like this, Iv always been extremely happy, and grateful for what iv been given, I still am, but sometimes I think that if I keep spending this much time imagining things that may never happen; what will my real life end up like? Its no secret that I love acting, always have, I have such a passion for it, and sometimes thats why people have a hard time reading me. Acting has always been a part of me, my dad has always encouraged me into doing anything that I want, acting specifically because he knows how much I love it, and has even gotten me a part in one of our friends up-coming movie (so thankful), and can not wait to show him how much of my life iv dedicated to acting. Iv made up scenes in my head and acted them out by myself to see how they sound, and thats some of the best parts of my day, being alone so I can focus on writing what I think the character would say in certain situations. While writing said scene, im thinking about it in my head and actually imagining it, so it seems real to me, thats my favorite part about writing a scene, being able to go back and act it out and see how it feels with someone actually saying the words and making the expressions, its, an amazing feeling. So when im finished writing the scene and seeing how it feels, sometimes I wish I didnt have to stop, and just keep going, and going until I have a full movie in my hands. It sounds crazy, believe me I know, but its just something that has always made me feel happy. Pretending to be someone else, feeling emotions that iv never felt before, saying things iv never said, and having to deal with situations iv never had to deal with before. Spending time with myself to perfect the character and get down everything I can from what iv learned from the script and the vibe I get from her, its something I just cant get enough of. So my problem is that iv spent so much time pretending to be someone else, im afraid that I may have lost myself somewhere in everything. Dont get me wrong, its great pretending to be someone else, its a total rush that I would never give up, but I think that If I keep doing, this, Ill lose myself even more. I have amazing friends, and family and I have a life ahead of me full of amazing things that are in my reach if I work hard enough for them. I dont really know where to go after all that, but all I know is that there must be someone out there who is going through the same thing, or, at least something similar.